Sticks and stones

A challenge one always faces in moving to a new place is remembering peoples' names. You meet people in your workplace, around the neighbourhood, at church, at the market, and so on. Obviously, it is easier to remember names that are familiar - that you have heard before.

Here in Malawi, many people have English names. Some even have two names - a Chichewa name and an English name. But just because someone has an English name does not automatically make name-learning easier task.

For example, the other day I met a man who called himself what sounded like Wee-rad.
-"Chonde nenaninso (Please say again)," I said.
-The man repeated, "Wee-rad."
-"Wee-rad?" I repeated.
-"Yes, Wee-rad," he said smiling

Mike, my boss was standing nearby and stepped into save me.
-"His name is Willard."

This was a case of bewilderment/incomprehension via the Malawian accent.

Then there is the challenge of spelling. Many English names are spelled as they would be pronounced using Chichewa phonetics. For example, Jennifer becomes Enifer. In addition to that, Malawians do not tend to categorize names by gender the same as we would in English-speaking countries. For example, I met someone's Uncle who was named Missy.

But what takes the cake are not the names that are hard to hear, spell, or understand. They are the names that are perfectly easy to understand. In fact, you can even know their meaning from the moment you hear them! Like yesterday, I met a man selling wooden carvings named Lettuce ("Yes, like the vegetable," he said). There is a cook in the neighbourhood named Bambo (Mr.) Window, and another person named Salad. My favourite though is a night-guard by the name of Bambo (Mr.) Square-Table.

Perhaps I have entered into the second stage of culture shock - humour.